Modern Psalmist: My Thoughts Scribbled Into A Piece Of Writing...

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

What Is It Like?



Are you intrigued by the title? Surely, it appears sketchy. You can have different infinitive phrases to complete the question. But what I have in mind is “What is it like to be married to me?” That could be one of the toughest questions to answer. I’m sure you will agree it would be easier to give your answer if the question is directed to your spouse: “What is it like being married to you?” Then you can fire away and have a very elaborate essay. The highlights can vary, either you play up and put the spotlight to the positive side of what your spouse do for you or you can expose the negative side of your marriage including his failings… I hope you won’t do the latter because it won’t be ennobling for you to do not to mention you are making your spouse suffer from the ignominy[1] brought by washing your linen in public.

Now so much about the digressing (forgive me for divagating from the topic)… the question pops-up to me like random thoughts normally appear.  I was actually contemplating about the upcoming anniversary, we already had the initial plan so I caught myself mulling over it again… then while excogitating with the how to make things happen for the anniversary, I stumbled with that question… “What is it like being married to me?” 

I would want my husband to answer that… but then I also want myself to answer it truthfully… and my mind went looney… then I became antsy. I am not sure if I could say it is wonderful being married to me. I am not being modest here… I seriously do not have any idea… He maybe would say it is hard because I am a difficult person—I have mood swings, I am sensitive and emotional… I feel sad (I recently keep saying to my man“let me grieve” whenever I tend to be miffy and touchy over things said or done) in a longer period of time not just 48 years but maybe 79 years, which I know for many is unreasonable and insane. But that’s me…and maybe that gives him so much challenge to keep up… Perhaps being married to me is like work… it needs tons of effort because you have to be conscious with what you do even if I am easy to please… yet having “word of Affirmation” and “Touch” as my love language/s which are not his, you can only imagine how we express ourselves differently… Just Imagine, I want to be constantly hugged, held hands… and I need to hear “I love yous” “I miss yous” … and to be appreciated in what I do not just for him but even the things I do for myself… I need to hear those positive things for me to feel loved, strengthened, and assured. But my man speaks different love languages… and he does serve me and give me gifts but those acts do not fill my love bank…it is not that I do not appreciate him… I find that sweet and thoughtful but it doesn’t speak love to me—yeah! As blunt as that but really it doesn’t brim my love tank to a good shape....(coz it gets deflated from time to time)

I could go on but…having said those things, I know you have enough details to come up with your intuitive assumption of what is it like to be married to me… J


[1] I like the sound of the word because it equates the highest degree of humiliation than saying “embarrassment” coz it downplays the hurt by fine-tuning the effect with the choice of words—though it is very important to be refined and sensitive with our words…but in this case I find it necessary to choose strong word to show how atrocious it is to dishonor your spouse in the open.

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